The Man Who Never Was

by The Villa Capri

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about

Odds and ends.

credits

released August 1, 2012

Written, arranged and performed by Frazer Douglas
Copyright ©2012 The Villa Capri
All Rights Reserved

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The Villa Capri Los Angeles, California

A few years ago one of my musical heros Neil Hannon wrote me a very complimentary letter in which he advised me against over- producing demos - "record companies like to think they've found a diamond in the rough" he wrote. I probably should have listened! These albums are all very different so take your pick, listen and enjoy! The Villa Capri. ... more

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Track Name: From Hell
FROM HELL

They say the victim was in her prime
Laying in ribbons a ghastly crime
They declare wrong place wrong time
Well that is what they say

They say the murderer used a blade
Coldly, precisely, that he displayed
A surgeon's eye and dreadful skill
They're looking for someone straight from hell

Five pretty women while London sleeps
Crimson the pavements as Jacky reaps
For a prize they say he keeps
Five pretty souls from rest

And if you want to catch him
Here's what you must do
Publish all I have to say
In the evening news

Five pretty women as London sleeps
Crimson the pavements and stained the streets
Watch and see how Jacky cheats
The rope and scaffold
Too-da-loo

Words and Music by Frazer Douglas
© 2013 The Villa Capri All Rights Reserved
Track Name: Delaney
I reside
In a horrid little penthouse in the sky
With an arm chair, a bed and kitchenette
It's altogether quite inadequate
But sometimes after dinner on a tray
I pose myself a question oh let's say
Who would I become?

My name would be Delaney
And I'd live above the Strand
I'd be a famous author
Other authors cannot stand
For I would use the kind of language
Other people never really understand

But old Delaney's not the type to rest - oh heaven's no!
For I would also be a famous impresario
And all my plays would feature starlets I would bed
But never really get to know

If I could be
If I could be
If I could be
If I could be the man I really want to be...

But "no", he sighs
Through his yellowed teeth and accusing little eyes
"You're rent is nearly three months in arrears"
As he slides the pencil back behind his ear
Then huffs as I come up with something lame
Whilst thinking "if you really knew the name
Of whom I would become"

I'd kill him with his rent book
Dance the polka on his grave
And with the poxy ninety quid a week that I would save
Then I would buy his ugly wife to be my dutiful my ever-loving slave
That would feel good!

And when one of my starlets turns me in to the police
I'll instantly outfox the judge and he'll have to release
Me back into my high society which only will increase
My public fame
They'll know my name

If I could be
If I could be
If I could only be
if I could be the man I really want to be...

But be on guard
For Delaney may go hunting after dark
For other thieving landlords on the heath
Perhaps I'd start to kill them with my teeth
"No please sir" in a trembling voice they'd plead
But I'd just laugh as into death they'd bleed
Oh what jolly fun!

The newspapers will christen me
The curse of Scotland yard
But while their filthy trench coats flap the entire lower class
Will whisper
"Hail the cloaked avenger with his jaws of scarlet red"
While I would not sleep until the last landlord was dead

"I hear the killer struck again
my goodness gracious me"
I suppose the wretched fellow
thinks the poor should live for free"
And while the audiences clap and praise the plays
Of the great Percy Delaney
They'll never guess
No never guess
That it was me!

If I could only be...

Life is a flagon of water
Life is a quart of gin
Stuck in a bubble you oughta
Use that safety pin
I have a terrible feeling
There is a ball and chain
At the end of my rainbow
Here we go again

Words and Music by Frazer Douglas
©2013 The Villa Capri All Rights Reserved
Track Name: You're Weird!
You’re Weird

You’re strange
You’re really really really really weird
You’re weird
You’re weirder than the man who married his own beard
You’re strange
You’re weirder than the weirdest creature swimming underneath the sea
The kind the other fish all laugh at and agree is weird

That makes you really really odd
You’re weird
You’re like the funny pea that’s sitting in the pod
You’re strange
Much weirder than a freaky Martian man could ever hope to be
And let me tell you baby that’s alright with me

‘Cos strange can be beautiful
Like rainbows in waterfalls
All the colours of the rainbow in the waterfall

You’re really really rum
You’re weird
Nobody knows the crazy place where you are from
You’re strange
And so they point and laugh and make you wear a badge so we can see
Exactly just how prejudiced society can be

You’re really really quite bizarre
You’re strange
You’re stranger than the rest but the best always are
You’re weird
So maybe we can live together all in perfect harmony
And let me tell you baby that’s alright with me

Strange can be very nice you see
And I think it’s what I want to be

Music and Lyrics by Frazer Douglas
Copyright 2017
All Rights Reserved
Track Name: A Million Today's Not Enough
A Million Today's Not Enough

Deep in the city inside the old bank
I like to think I’m a shark in a tank
As I look out of my window and stare
At all you hardworking suckers down there
Rushing around like an army of ants
Dreaming of living a life of romance
Dreaming of living as millionaires can
Ha! not me; I have a plan

And soon I'll be richer than God and the man
Who thought of the world's greatest financial scam
I'll buy me a cigar but hey what's the rush?
A million today's not enough

A million won’t buy me a house on the Thames
Will not supply me the right sort of friends
How will it buy me my Sunseeker yacht?
The answer is simple: it will not
And so I’ll plunder and pillage and steal
Billions from under your noses and feel
nothing, like a shark feels for his prey
And after the kill I’ll swim away

And soon I'll be richer than God and the man
Who thought of the world's greatest financial scam
I'll buy me a mansion but hey what's the rush?
A million today's not enough

For what can you buy for a million today maybe a
Pied-a-terre in zone three or somewhere that
A man such as me in a felt bowler hat
Couldn’t possibly swing a God damn cat!

Sorry your house had to be repossessed
But we needed money, we felt so depressed
Then what can I tell you
We just wanted more
But then how to get it
I know, let’s go to war!

So tell me I’m selfish and say I’m a snake or a leech
But perhaps in the future they’ll teach
How to love, show compassion to one’s fellow man
But until they do
Grab all you can!

And now I am richer than God and the men
Who brought down the western economy then
Wondered why everyone made such a fuss?
A million today's not enough

It's just not enough!

Music and Lyrics by Frazer Douglas
Copyright 2017
All Rights Reserved
Track Name: Clockwork Man
Clockwork Man

I'm a clockwork man
Wind me with my key
And I'll turn around and around like this you see
I live with the dolls underneath the stairs
Waiting to be found by a somebody who cares

And sometimes I wonder why
I was made to be constantly revolving then i see
Everybody spinning holding out their hand
Round and round and round they go
Like a clockwork man